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I'm doing it. I'm making my first post in four months. It's like riding a bike... which I should really do more, actually.

I've been reading and commenting sporadically, but I've been AWOL from fandom for awhile, and from this journal for much longer. Suffice to say that, drunk and wide awake on the night of April 30th, I perhaps should not have clicked on the email from OkCupid that showed me new users I might like. I liked one of them all too fucking much.

These past few months have been disorienting and stressful. Someone fell in love with me, I with him, but it imploded, messily and quickly. The campaign I was working on also imploded, leaving me with the choice to be unemployed or to go to Colorado for six weeks. Because of the extremely fucked-up nature of the "relationship," I decided to go to Colorado. Durango, to be precise. Where the hell is Durango, you ask? I asked the same thing. Turns out, it's in southwest Colorado, it's very pretty and once I got over the fact that not everywhere in the world can be exactly like Portland Oregon, I warmed up to it nicely. I may post some pictures if I can ever figure out how to do that.

Then I was sent to Houston for a few weeks, and tonight is my last night here. It's been strange, living in nice hotels, driving brand new cars, expensing all my meals, conducting my business as I see fit. It's also been strange being sober. About a month ago, I decided to take a break from the booze. Alls I can say is, I don't miss the hangovers, the lack of ambition or the inability to focus. I do sort of miss the dionysian wild times, but at this point in my life, I've got a lot of them to look back on with a mixture of amusement, regret and mild horror. I think I'll be fine without it for a while.

I'm somehow not that excited to be going back to Portland. Portland now reminds me unbearably of my ex-lover, which is ironic because he's moving to New Mexico in about two weeks, and hates Portland.

Well, this post is not going to win any awards for entertainment value, for which I apologize. I have been thinking of writing again, which is a good sign, so in the next few weeks you may see some H/D from me.

And to all you terrific writers out there, thank you. You make me so happy. I'm particularly thinking of rickey_a and oldenuf2nb.

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oceaxe

June 2010

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